Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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