Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
why is half of my head shaved?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
