If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
