I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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