I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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