Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
