Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
