how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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