there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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