sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
