Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize