No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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