Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
