he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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