Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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