i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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