Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
