I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Randomize
