Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
