Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
