I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
