Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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