my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
