It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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