he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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