I have demons in me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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