watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
