My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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