dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
