alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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