he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
