yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
false alarm. still invincible.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
