just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
