And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
