You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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