I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
