mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
