The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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