well I can't set my house on fire every night
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
