Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
