I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
