omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
