so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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