i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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