The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She bit a glass in half.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
