Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She needs sedatives and a leash
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
