Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
