the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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