oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Are we still banned from the library?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
