i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
