I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I AM VODKA MAN
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
