there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
