atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
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I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
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I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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