it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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