I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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