The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
