Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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