This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
