Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
