he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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