Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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