she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
