Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
