I feel great
I just peed on a car
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
