A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
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I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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