Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
